


I Will Do Better in the Morning

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Families of Choice, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Jester Lavorre Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: Jester's had a hard few days and it all comes bubbling up at once.
Relationships: Artagan & Jester Lavorre, Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett
Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026874
Comments: 12
Kudos: 94





	I Will Do Better in the Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note: this is based on my own experiences with depression and this is not a representation of every depressed person ever, this is just me.

Jester doesn’t know what changes. 

She’s eating dinner with her friends in Caleb’s mansion, laughing and talking loudly about the day’s events, when she feels a thrum in her chest, between her ribs. It feels almost hollow and painful. The same feeling echoes in her chest, under her collarbones. 

“You okay?” Veth asks her quietly. 

Jester nods, taking a long breath, “I’m fine. I-I think I just ate too fast.” 

Veth hums in sympathy and rubs her shoulder lightly before turning back to the rest of the group. Jester can feel emotion building inside of her, the ones she’s been pushing away for days now. They’re all bubbling to the surface. 

The second Jester feels tears starting to well up behind her eyes, she makes a quick excuse to leave the salon and float up to her room. She knows that everyone’s eyes are on her, but she doesn’t look back at them, not wanting them to see the emotion so clearly written on her face. It’s not that she’s uncomfortable sharing her emotions around them, that’s not it at all. It’s just that she doesn’t even know how to begin to explain what she’s feeling. 

When Jester finally closes the door to her bedroom, she lets out a shaky exhale, water building so far in her eyes that it’s making it almost difficult to see. Jester curls up on her bed on top of the blankets, she squishes a pillow to her chest as tears begin to roll down her cheeks. The hollow feeling in her chest only grows.

It’s been a hard few days with the constant traveling and suddenly aging five years and her new relationship with Fjord. It feels like she’s had no time to catch her breath. And if she’s being honest, it’s been a hard year. She’s suddenly experienced more pain and heartbreak and despair than she has in her entire life. It’s overwhelming to be so full of so many unfamiliar emotions with not enough time to fully understand or process them. 

So Jester cries in the safety of her room in Caleb’s tower, her sobs echo against her bedroom walls and she prays that no one else can hear it. She can taste her salty tears against her lips and can feel a wet spot growing on her pillow, but Jester’s tears don’t stop. At this rate, she doesn’t think they ever will. 

All of a sudden, she feels a hand land on her shoulder and opens her eyes to see the Traveller sitting on the bed beside her, looking down with a furrowed brow. Without a second thought, Jester sits up and throws her arms around him. 

She’s still working through everything that happened at Rumblecusp, but right now she just needs him to be her best friend, the boy she grew up with, the only person who’s been by her since the beginning. Artagan is frozen for a moment as she sobs into his cloak, but very gently he returns the hug. Feeling his arms around her back, only makes Jester tighten her arms around him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, sounding softer and more genuine than she has ever heard him. 

Jester sniffs, “It’s been a lot.” 

The Traveller hums and she can feel the rumble in his chest. “I know, Jester. Do you want to go home? I can help you if you would like?” 

Jester pulls back immediately and wipes her eyes, “No,” she shakes her head. “I-I need to be here. We need to stop the Tomb Takers. I can’t abandon my friends, I love them.” 

He sighs, “I know. Come here.” He opens his arms to her again and Jester smiles a little bit, leaning back against his chest. 

“You give really good hugs, Artie,” Jester mumbles. 

He laughs, “Thank you. I do try my best when it comes to you.” They sit there for a moment longer, Jester in the safe embrace of her patron when he lifts his head/ “Someone’s at the door.” He looks down at Jester as they pull apart and taps her on the nose, “I’ll see you soon, hm?” Jester nods and wipes her eyes again. As the Traveller disappears, sure enough, there’s a knock at her door. 

“One second!” She shouts and quickly moves to clean herself up, pulling back her hair and putting on a smile. 

She pulls open the door to reveal Beau with her arms crossed, a no-nonsense expression plainly on her face. 

“Hi, Beau!” She says, grinning up at her. “What’s up?” 

Beau just lifts an eyebrow at her, “Your eyes are red.” 

“Oh,” Jester turns a little away, “I think I’m allergic to some of the fabrics here. It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” 

“Uh huh.” Jester shifts under Beau’s scrutinizing gaze. After a moment of watching her, Beau sighs and holds her arms open. “Okay, come here.” 

“Beau, what-”

“Come here,” Beau insists. She steps into the doorway and pulls Jester into a hug. Jester doesn’t hide how she sags in Beau’s arms, pressing her cheek to Beau’s shoulder and her forehead against her neck. “Isn’t that better?” Jester nods a little, careful not to poke Beau with her horns. They stay like that for a moment before Beau says, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Jester pulls back and takes a long breath. “Maybe tomorrow. I think I want to try to sleep it off.” 

Beau nods and squeezes her shoulder, “If that doesn’t work, you know all of us are here for you whenever you need it.” 

“Yeah. Goodnight, Beau.” 

“Night, Jester.” 

It takes Jester a while to fall asleep. Her mind is both empty and racing at the same time.

The next day, Jester can feel everyone, particularly Beau and Fjord’s eyes on her. She does her best to put on her usual demeanor and easy happiness, but she is finding it more and more difficult as the hours tick by. All she really wants to do is curl up in her bed with her head under the covers.

Their surroundings stay every annoyingly the same, glistening white snow and mountains. She walks near the back of the pack, only Fjord is behind her. With no one able to see her face, Jester allows her smile to fade and her feet to plod heavily through the snow. 

Every once in a while, she can feel a warm brush across her cheek or her shoulder and smiles a little at what she knows is the Traveller watching over her. Today she can feel his presence more strongly than she has in a long time. 

As the day gets later, Fjord takes pace beside her, walking in step. She knows that he probably thinks he’s offering a comforting presence, but all it means to her is that she has to smile and keep her head up. He doesn’t talk much, just walks beside her. She cares about him so much and has been vulnerable to him so many times that it feels odd to have a facade up in front of him, but she doesn’t want his concern to draw the attention of the rest of the group. That’s the last thing she wants. 

When they finally make camp for the night and the door to the tower appears before them, Jester feels herself sag in relief. She quickly heads off to her room, telling everyone that she wants to take a hot bath to warm up. 

In the hot water, Jester finds it difficult to do anything but sit there, staring at the steam while her thoughts twist and swirl inside her head. She can’t find the energy or the will to wash her hair. Eventually, she gives up on the bath and pulls herself from the warm water, wrapping a fluffy towel around herself.

“Jester!” Veth’s voice rings in her ears. “Are you done with your bath? We’re about to have dinner. You can reply to this message!”

“No, I’m still warming up,” Jester lies. “You can eat without me, I’ll have something later.” Veth must get her message because she doesn’t reply. 

Jester changes into her warm pajamas and thick, fluffy socks. Sitting down on her bed, she takes her sketchbook out and starts to doodle, but she can’t find any inspiration in herself and her pencil just stays still against the page. She starts a few things but none of them look how she wants them to. Frustrated tears begin to pool in her eyes and she throws her pencil across the room. 

All of a sudden, she feels a warm presence around her and a voice in her ear. “It’s alright, Jester.”

“I’m sorry,” Jester’s voice breaks as she apologizes to her patron. “I-I can’t-”

“It’s alright,” the voice says again. “It’s alright if you don’t draw tonight, I’m still with you. Always.” She feels that same brush against her cheek and the feeling dissipates. Jester takes a long breath and closes her eyes, giving herself a few moments to calm down. 

The sound of a meow breaks her thoughts. She looks down to see a fluffy black cat looking up at her with big eyes, in its mouth is a folded up piece of paper. Once Jester looks at it, the cat drops the piece of paper and darts away from her. 

She picks up the note and reads it. 

_I didn’t want to barge into your room when you were in the bath so I decided to send you a note instead. I’m not too certain that these cats know how to deliver messages, but if you’re reading this then I assume they do. I would like it very much if you would come spend some time with me tonight, you’ve been a bit distant these last few days and I’m worried about you. Obviously, you don’t have to come if you’d rather just go to bed._

_~ Fjord_

Next to his name Fjord drew a little symbol of Captain Tusktooth, the one she had created. Jester smiles a little bit and reads the note again. She really does want to go see Fjord so she puts on a pair of slippers and leaves her room, walking the short distance to his door. 

She knocks three times and steps back to wait for him to answer it. It only takes a few seconds for the door to swing open. Fjord is already out of his usual clothes and is changed into his pajamas. When he sees her, he breaks into a smile. 

“Come on in,” Fjord steps aside to let her in and shuts the door behind her. She’s been in his room a number of times and it always strikes her as being incredibly inviting and cozy.   
As they sit down on the couch, she can feel Fjord watching her closely. “Are you doing okay, Jester?” 

She smiles at him and tips her head to the side in confusion, “Of course! I’m doing great.” 

Fjord reaches out and takes her hand, his skin is warm to the touch. “You don’t have to lie to me. It’s okay if you’re not okay.” 

Her smile falters a little but she fixes it quickly. “What are you talking about? I’m fine.” 

He sighs, looking down at their hands, “You’re not. I...I’ve seen you fall apart these past few days. It’s been hard on all of us, but you’ve had some fucked up things happen to you and you haven’t really talked to anyone about them. And-and I care about you, please let me help you.” 

Jester’s lip wobbles a little and she fights it for just a second before her head falls into her hands and she starts to cry. Almost immediately, Fjord pulls her into a hug, his head resting against her’s. 

“I don’t...I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she says through her tears. 

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Fjord assures her as he runs his hand gently up and down her back. “It’s alright.” To Jester’s surprise, Fjord doesn’t say anything more, he just holds her and rocks them slightly side to side. Fjord, Jester thinks, gives the best hugs out of anyone in their group. Every once in a while he’ll press a kiss to the top of her head. 

He lets her cry against him until she sags in exhaustion. 

Fjord tenderly brushes his thumb along her cheek. He smiles a little sadly and kisses her. Jester can taste her tears between their lips, but neither of them cares. When they pull apart, Jester smiles and wipes her eyes on her sleeves. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Fjord asks quietly.

Jester shakes her head, “Can we talk in the morning? I-I’m not really feeling up to it tonight.” 

“Of course. And, uh,” he looks down a little awkwardly, “you can stay here tonight if you’d like.” Jester smiles at his embarrassment. 

“I’d like that very much.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated greatly!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


End file.
